Wheelbarrow repair man

A little Polar Bear cub goes up to his Mum and asks I am a Polar Bear aren't I Mum? I'm not a Black Bear or a Brown Bear or even a Grizzly Bear, I am a Polar Bear? Of course you're your a Polar Bear dear. Why do you ask? Well it's just that I'm Bloody Freezing!! Same little Polar Bear Cub was having great fun with a Seal Pup, sliding on the ice, throwing snowballs at each other, building a snow den laughing having a good time Suddenly the Polar Bear Cub's Mum turns up and says How many times Have I told you Stop Playing With Your Food. How to catch a Polar Bear. First dig a big hole in the Ice. Then put frozen peas all around the hole. Because Polar Bears love Frozen peas (little known fact). Now wait and when the Polar Bear comes down for a Pea, you then sneak up behind it and Kick It In The Ice Hole.

Two young women approach a Scotsman who's wearing a kilt. Excuse me asks one, Is anything worn under the Kilt? No everything is in perfect working order My mate as French ancestry he was telling me that one of his French ancestors invented Gravy. You must have heard about the Count of Monte Bisto. This chap was on stage when he suddenly slipped and fell into the orchestra Pit and went Harp over Oboe. I once went out with a girl who was very posh, How Posh? Well put it this way she'd get out of the bath to have a wee.

They say an Elephant never forgets. But have you ever had a Birthday Card from one? What's the difference between an Elephant's backside and a Post Box? Dunno. No point in sending you with a letter then. How do you stop a herd of changing Elephants ? Make a Trunk call an reverse the charge. Me and my mate Dave were sitting on a Park Bench, when suddenly Dave pulls a can from his inside pocket and starts spraying the air around us. What's that? I asked Elephant repellent he replies. Don't be daft there's No Elephants around here. Shows that it works then.

I can't do dwarf impressions, but Hey Oh. Dipping Ginger nuts used to be great fun. But nowadays it's considered bullying. I was playing football on an airplane and there I was, Running up the wing. I got a letter through the post, Book yourself an Eye Test, in the end I booked two, might as well get the both done at the same time. I bought my Mother-in-Law a brand new chair for her birthday, but can't get her to plug it in. This chap and his mate were in a bar the chap says the Doctor told me I have to take a tablet every day for the rest of my life. His mate well that's not bad. The chap replies he's only given me four. I bought a Brand New pair of tortoise skin shoes. It took me over an hour to get out of the shop. The Post Office have spent £180 million on a machine that can sort 25,000 letters per minute. Then they give them to a bloke on a bike.

Another Poem Little Birdie flying high drops a message from the sky Says a Farmer wiping his eye It's a damn good job Cows can't fly

A Poem A Blackbird sat upon my window how sweetly he did sing, He song told of the end of Winter and the coming of Spring I threw back my bed clothes and tip toed from my bed Gently I closed the window and crushed the noisy bleeders head.

Robbie agreed Williams didn't tinker with anything in my opinion it was Maynard that's done the tinkering, Williams team could only play one way and once Notts were found out he didn't have a plan B. Maynard was hired by the Brothers because he had Wealdstone playing in a similar way and I think they hoped he would continue in the same vein at Notts, however Maynard has quickly found out these tactics don't work in League 2 so he's changed things about, trying to find a solution which hasn't been forthcoming hence the poor results, however if he can get Notts playing as they did for the first 20 minutes in the second half at Bradford (said by some to be the best minutes played by Notts under Maynard) on a constant level for the full 90+ minutes in matches then the Magpies should get back to winning matches on regular basis. As you have said Notts now have no fear of being relegated, so there is nothing stopping the players from going out and expressing themselves and Maynard finding out which of his game plans is best suited for the Magpies to play and Win.

Same line up and same formation, lets just hope SM doesn't start tinkering with things if It Ain't Broke Don't Fix It. I think that may have been one of the problems that has affected SM's transition into the Notts Head Coach, tinkering about trying to copy Luke Williams strategy while attempting to put his own spin on things, Luca Ashby- Hammond also deserves praise in having the foresight to send a long ball forward hence his assist , in other games another Notts keeper would have held on to the ball and started a build up from the back, Luca's quick thinking gave Jatta his chance and boy did he take it. Despite Macca scoring a goal he still seems a little edgy when he broke through the Bradford defence and was one on one with the Keeper he placed the ball were the keeper could save it, earlier in the season Macca would have buried that. A couple of more goals on Saturday will show he's truly back in the groove. Have Notts turned a corner? Maybe but I thought they had with the victory at Newport, so nothing is guaranteed. But 3 points at the Lane on Saturday will enhance the chances of the Magpies getting a top half finish and will boost the players and Most Fans confidence.

I remember one time the wife and I took the kids to our local Zoo, and we were in the retile house when I saw this woman and she was only trying to pet this massive Salt Water Crocodile. What are you doing? I asked That's a Man Eater ! She pulled her hand away Do you mean he'd eat me whole? Well he'd probably spit that out but it will eat the rest of you. I was on a course which meant I had to spend time away from home and I rang up the wife and said I wish I had you here in bed with me, kissing cuddling exploring each other's bodies. She said Who's that speaking? My mate Bernie who is a confirmed Batchelor still lives at home with his Mum. His Mum is 95 and not to steady on her feet, so being the Good Son he is, every morning Bernie carries her down stairs into the kitchen, so she can make him his breakfast. Sitting in a pub with the wife I couldn't help noticing the lines on her face. She saw me looking What's up? She asked Nothing much it's just I've noticed those crow's feet around your eyes. I'll have you know they're laughter lines. No Sweetheart. Nothing's That Funny.

Another plus regarding last night two Notts youngsters Luther Munakandafa and James Sanderson were on the bench, admittedly neither got onto the pitch ( a term used very loosely for Bradford's pitch) but just being part of the Match Day Squad would have done wonders for both lads morale, and hopefully both can gat a couple of games before the season's end.

The Players the Coaching Staff the Fans the Owners and the whole club needed that. Now let us go forward and get 3 more points on Saturday, one match at a time and lets hope the Magpies can build on this evening success. Nice to see Macca back on the score sheet and Jatta appears to be having an excellent spell in the Black & White Stripes lets hope, he can carry on in this vein.

It's Match Day !! And in the words of Doctor Smith from Lost In Space (who remembers that?) Oh The Pain.

Hopefully the result against Accy will have boosted the sagging moral of the Squad and maybe, just maybe will inspire the Notts players on to a victory. My head says a Bradford victory but in my heart Notts grab a late win 1-0 or 2-1, to ease the pressure on Stuart Maynard and the rest of his coaching staff.

This chap was walking around Blackpool, it was his first visit and he was fascinated by the tower he stood there looking up in wonder, when he was approached by a Lady of the Night. She stood next to him and they began chatting she told him that they began building the tower in 1891 and it was first opened to the public in 1894 and when it was first built, it was the tallest structure in the British Empire. Then she leaned in and asked, Do you Fancy a bit? The chap looks at her and says Why are they pulling it down? Same chap was walking along the Blackpool North pier and noticed a Bloke had a long piece of rope on the end of which was a steel bucket, which he dipped into the sea he then hurled the bucket back up and put the collected sea water into a water barrel next to him. What you doing? asks the first Chap. Selling sea water a pound a bucket replies the bloke. I'll take a bucket says the chap passing over a pound. The bloke picks up a kids plastic bucket and fills it with sea water. The first chap thanks him and then spends the rest of the day walking round Blackpool with his bucket of sea water looking at all the sights. About half five he goes back to the north pier, and the tide had gone out and the bloke who had sold him his bucket of sea water was packing up. The chap went up to him and said By Gum you've sold a lot of sea water today.

Doesn't your Mum say daft things to you when you're young things like If you fall out of that tree and break both your legs. Don't come running to me. Your Dad's no better. We were watching a David Attenborough wildlife programme and these two Lions were, well lets just say more than just good friends. What they doing Dad? I asked. Dancing he replied. Dancing the next School Disco I was expelled. I once went out with a Witch we were driving along a dark country lane and she put her on my thigh and I turned into a Layby. Me and the wife went and stayed in a nice boarding house, as we signed in I noticed a sign on the wall. I whispered to the wife that's a bit threatening be in bed before I am. Put your glasses on it says be in bed before One AM.

I bought the wife a see through nighty I said go into the bedroom and shout me when you're ready. I'm ready she shouts a minute or so later I flew up the stairs she was laying on the bed wearing the nighty and I could see everything, her navy blue jumper and jogging bottoms. The wife's been on a diet this past month and the only thing she's lost is her temper. I've tried Cage Fighting, I'll tell you what some of them Budgies can be right nasty little beggars. Two starving cowboys were riding across death valley, when suddenly one shouts out Hey look a Bacon Tree and he gallops off. No his friend shouts come back it's not a Bacon Tree. An hour later the first cowboy comes back, shot full of arrows. You were right it wasn't a Bacon Tree it was an Ambush.

There was this Nun and a Monk going round the local Pubs collecting for charity. Anyway in one Pub there was a Darts match being played and the Monk became really interested in watching the games and at the end of the match he asked one of the players if he could have a go. Sure says the player handing his Darts to the Monk. First Dart treble twenty, Second Dart single twenty, the third Dart hits the wire on the Dart board it bounces over the Monks head and hits the Nun in the throat and kills her. The Scorer shouts out One Nun Dead and Eighty. Two Nuns in a camper van travelling across Transylvania when suddenly Dracula jumps onto the front bumper and try's to open the door, Quick Sister shouts the Nun driving Show him your Cross. Hey you lousy blood sucking Git get off our Camper Van. Two Nuns in a bath one says where's the soap? The other replies Yes it does, doesn't it. Chap just about to go into his local when suddenly out of no where appears a Nun, she points at the Man and says Before you go into this dell of Evil, think of what the Alcohol will do to your brain. Hold on says the Bloke have you ever had a drink? Certainly Not answers the Nun. Then how do you know what the Alcohol will do to the brain, if you've never had a drink. I'll tell you what I'll buy you a drink and if you don't like it, then you can go preaching on about it. Alright agreed the Nun. Right I'll buy you a glass of gin says the Chap. No don't bring it out in a glass, bring it out in a teacup then nobody will know I'm drinking alcohol. So the bloke goes to the bar and orders a pint for himself and a shot of gin, but could he have the gin in a teacup. The bar man looks at him and says Is that bloody Nun out side there again?

POLICE REPORT The man who steals T shirts in size order is still at Large. Me and a couple of Mates were sat having a quite drink when this chap walks in with a Cocker Spaniel on a lead. I'm sorry sir said the Bar Man No Dogs Allowed. But it's my Guide Dog replies the chap. I don't think so sir, Guide Dogs are usually Labradors or Golden Retrievers. Aw what the hell have the given me then? Right then What's a Shih Tzu? A Zoo without any Animals The wife's Grandad is a105 and we all call him Spider Man, not that he goes around web slinging or fighting Crime, it's just he can't get out of the Bath.

I remember when I was first old enough to drink, i was in a Pub with my mate Big Rog, when suddenly this bloke bursts in carrying a Sawn off Shot Gun. I'm going to shoot the bloke who's had sex with my wife. A voice from the back said I don't think you've got enough bullets Steve. A chap go's home and says to his wife I was talking to the Postman today and he reckons he's made Love to every woman one this Street bar one. I bet it's that miserable cow next door but one replies his wife. I once asked an Old Girlfriend if she smoked after sex. She answered I dunno I've never looked. I'm a bit worried about my mate Trev. He's 56 and I think he's having a mid life crisis he's dyed his hair he's down the gym three or four times a week and he goes jogging. I think he's trying to recapture his youth. Anyway the other Thursday he was in the Butcher's collecting his weekly portion of Red Meat and he says to the girl behind the counter, how old do you think I am . Mid forties said the girl. I'm 56 I look after myself. Trev's standing at the bus stop when a little old lady approaches him. I don't know who you are but I must tell somebody I'm 75 today and when I get back to the sheltered housing where I live they're having a party for me. Very nice says Trev, Happy Birthday. I bet you can't tell how old I am. Well says the old girl if you let me put my hand down your jogging bottoms I tell you to the exact year. Trev agrees and she's fiddling down there for a good five minutes, takes her hand out and says Your 56. That's amazing said Trev how did you know? Oh I was stood behind you in the butchers.

If anyone on here hasn't watched Sam Slocombe's interview on You tube, before today's game I suggest you go and watch it and all the Nay sayers should also go and watch it. This Guy as a eloquent and professional attitude regarding the club his fellow players and knows what is expected of himself and his team mates regarding the Fans expectations. He is also very humble stating his Man of the Match performance at Crawley was what he's paid for. Bravo Sam Bravo. Once again another individual error cost Notts again today how many times as that happened this season? And the Magpies had two goalkeepers on the Bench, which shows how thin the Notts Squad is. So if it's Not the time to Blood the youngsters Now I don't know when it will be. Notts have nothing to lose just throw caution to the wind and Go For It. Jatta as shown what he is capable of with a Goal and an assist more of that please. The Magpies need to get Macca back into his scoring groove. It appears Jodi wasn't very happy being substituted as he disappeared straight down the tunnel I know players want to play the full 90+ minutes, but this sort of attitude only fires up some Fans even more against the Head Coach. At this present moment in time all the Players and the Staff need to show a United Front, and Personal Feeling Need To Be Put To One Side.

Then there was the chap who invented Cats eyes, for the middle of the road. He said he got the idea when his Car headlight reflected in the eyes of a Cat as it walked towards him. If the Cat had been walking away from him, he'd have invented the Pencil Sharpener. I bought this new roll on deodorant I looked at the instructions. It said remove top and push up bottom. I only wanted it for under my arms. My mate Dave is a massive fan of Steam Trains and when the Orient Express came to Nottingham but he said it was Murder getting tickets. Anyway once he'd finished taking photo's of the Engine and carriages, he was about to leave the station when he heard piano music. So he went to investigate and there on a platform a chap was playing a piano. Once the guy had finished Dave said he had a tinkle on it and saved himself 20 pence. This chap went to an Acupuncturist looking for a cure. What's your problem ? He was asked. He replied Pins and Needles in my shoulder.

My Mate and his wife were waiting to fly off on their holidays when they were approached by a Stewardess. Are you flying out to Benidorm today? Yes we are replied my Mate. Well I'm afraid there's a four hour delay. Oh why? The Pilot heard a noise in one of the engines and It will take us four hours to find a Pilot who can't hear it. My uncle Danny had five sons, a single birth and two sets of twins, and they all grew up to be Police Marks men. That's because uncle Danny was a bank robber. Uncle Danny died recently, surrounded by his family. I lost my hair when I was sixteen. What a game cards that was. My mate Dave went to the barbers and asked for some highlights the barber gave him a video of Old Haircuts.

What is the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison? You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo. I went into a Bakery and asked. Is that a Cake or a Meringue? The Assistant said No your not wrong it is a Cake. I had a dream the other night, I was chopping up carrots with the Grim Reaper. Dicing with Death

Lets be Honest we can all sit at our keyboards and debate about what's gone wrong at Notts, and how we think it should be put right, but in the end it's down to the Club's owners their decision is what counts in the end. That's why I don't think they'll get rid of Stuart Maynard (yet) because it's been clear that he was the man the Brothers wanted to take over from Luke Williams, and to replace him would be an admission they got it wrong, and it's Human Nature nobody likes to admit their wrong. I would hope that the Owners and Recruitment Team are even now working on which players need to be released from their contracts, ( my thoughts on this I've expressed in another comment section on the PON site) and who should remain at the Lane for next season. And once this season is finished Stuart Maynard ( or who ever is in the Dug Out) will also have a say in which players he wants playing in the Black & White Stripes next season. Other than the coaching staff being looked into it would appear the Recruitment team also needs a shake up and a new head honcho be brought in, because for how many seasons have the Notts defence been a major Bug Bear with the Fans? We can see it so why can't the Recruitment team see it? But then again we can only express our opinions, the Be All and End All lies with the the Owners and So Far the Brothers haven't let the Fans down, they may have made some decisions we fans have found odd but everything has come good and I for one have faith in what they do and what ever needs doing at Notts to put things right they will do it.

A Big Shout Out to 18n year old Oliver Bearman who made his F1 Debut for Ferrari, the youngest ever Brit to drive in Formula One he finished 7th two places in front of 7 times World Champion Lewis Hamilton . British World Champion of the Future?