Wheelbarrow repair man

How about the wife and husband team of retired acrobats they've invented two new condiments Winter Pepper and Summer Salt. I see Marie Osmond is about to star in the worse film ever. Warner Brothers? They already know. My wife as an uncle with one leg called Eric, I don't know what he called his other leg. Did you read about the fella who confessed to murder on his Death Bed then got better? Then there was that bloke who bought some After Eight Mints, but died at half past seven.

When you were a kid did you ever have a Saturday job? I did I worked for a local photographer I didn't take any pictures just kept the studio clean and tidy ran errands and helped in the Dark room. Then made sure all customers were comfortable before they had their photo taken. Anyway one Saturday morning two Old Dears came in, I got them settled and the photographer started to go through his routine. What's he doing Mavis? asked one Old girl. He's getting his equipment ready answered her friend. What's he doing now Mavis? He's checking the light's right with his light meter. The photographer stood behind his camera and began to twiddle with the lens. What's he doing now Mavis? He's going to Focus, What both of us?

Did you hear about the Gynecologist who painted his front hall way through his letter box? What three words don't you want to hear when you make Love? Darling I'm home. A mate of mine who's not the sharpest knife in the drawer was asked to name two days of the week that began with the letter T. He replied Today and Tomorrow. My mate Dave loves doing crosswords, I was watching him one time and said that's wrong, 6 across four letters often found in the bottom of Bird Cages. The correct answer is Grit.

Ohh Tommy Johnson, I have myself on several occasions stated in the comments sections that Notts need a True Leader on the Pitch, personally I believe Notts haven't had a true Leader since Michael Doyle. Now let s go into the realms of Fantasy, How about the Recruitment team approaching Kasper Schmichael and asking him to do a Didzy and come back to the Lane to finish his career and not be about money? If this happened not only would the Magpies have a first class keeper, but also a Born Leader on the Pitch. And imagine the influence Kasper would have on a young guy like Tiernan Brookes. And if the Brothers are determined to have Stuart Maynard in the Dug Out then a Director of Football namely Neil Warnock should be bought in. Warnock's vast footballing Knowledge and Experience can be Nothing but a huge plus at the Lane and it would seem his departure from Aberdeen is a sign to get the man back to Notts. After the end of last season before new contracts were given out, each Notts player should have been checked and looked at in great detail to see if they were of League 2 standard. The Brothers after all would have Full Data on each individual and those who didn't reach the standard should have be told, Thankyou for your efforts but your time at Meadow Lane is now finished. I have stated in an earlier comment the players I think should be kept at Notts and those I believe should be let go, if this had been done after the Wembley Victory the Magpies may Not have been in the position they now find themselves in.

The were ten new members of the Para troop regiment going on their first ever jump. The jump instructor a Sargent is giving them their final instructions. Right men pay attention . This when this red light turns to green, it means we're over the Drop Zone I'll each of you on the shoulder that's when you jump out of the Aircraft, you then count to 3 and pull the Rip Cord should your chute Not Open wait another 3 seconds and pull the Rip Cord of your emergency chute. What happens if that chute doesn't open Sarge ? asks a voice. That's easy Son you just shout Geronimo. All of the jumpers depart the plane and the Sargent sits down for a smoke. Suddenly there's a knocking from outside the Aircrafts door . The Sargent opens the door and there's a bloke frantically flapping his arms, he looks at the Sargent and says What's the name of that Red Indian again Sarge?

It all boils down to the Premier League and their Greed. If they allowed money to trickle down the football pyramid to teams in the Lower levels it could help some clubs to remain solvent. The FA or the EFL or indeed any Footballing authority need to scrutinize any new club owner carefully and make sure they have the cash to keep the club their buying viable for at least three to five years, (I'll admit I don't know what it currently is) but a decent size money contribution from the Premier League would help struggling clubs. Maybe if the Government do appoint an individual person to make sure money does flow downwards from the Top Teams wont be a bad thing. Because I'm sure the amount of one of the player Top Earners weekly/ monthly wage being donated would pay off a lower clubs debt. I also Can Not Understand the reason for the points deduction, the club (in this case Torquay) are already struggling with administration why inflict more misery, by giving them a Ten Point Deduction? It seems Crazy to me.

You know as you look back to the times when you were younger, you notice how things have changed how you have changed. I was looking through an old photo Album the other day, and I noticed how slim and fit I looked. In fact when I was younger I used to do an exercise routine naked. Well that was until the wife said Come away from those French windows if anyone sees you they'll think I only married you for your money.

A bloke walked into a Police station and said I think my wife maybe dead. Maybe dead Sir, how do you mean maybe dead? asks the copper. The bloke replies well the sex is the same but the washing is piling up. Christmas Day 2063 the family are all sat round after a big lunch, when one of the Grand kids says Hey Grandad sing us a song from the Old Days. So Grandad stands up and says well here's a song that is very dear to me and your Nan. It's called Slap your ***** up. A bloke's walking down the street when a crowd of people come rushing past him. He grabs one chap by the arm and asks What's happening? A tiger's escaped from the Zoo. Which way is it going? Well you don't think we're running towards it do you? I was at the bar in my local the other night, when this rather good looking young lady comes and stands next to me, and she was wearing the tightest pair of black leather pants I've ever seen in my life. I said to her how on earth do you get into those pants? Well she replied you start off by buying me a drink.

Me and a couple of mates were on our Locals Jolly Boys Outing in Scarborough, My mate Dave says I fancy an ice cream so we went along the sea front to an ice cream kiosk . Three 99's please Dave ordered. Hundreds and thousands? asked the ice cream seller. No just three 99's Thankyou. As we walked along the prom my other mate Phil asked Did you hear about the Ice Cream man found dead in his van? He was covered in syrup hundreds and thousands crushed nuts and broken chocolate flakes. Police reckoned he'd topped himself.

First of all I would like to Apologise to all the Fans on this site. It appears that the current problems at the Lane are my Fault in that I have failed in my job. Therefore I intend to put things Right. One Wheelbarrow, one Spindle one Wheel two Nuts two Washers a Hammer and a Spanner. Take said wheelbarrow with Hammer tap spindle through hole in Wheelbarrow's left front fork. Place Wheel on Spindle , tap Spindle through hole in right Wheelbarrow fork. Place Washer on each end of Spindle, then place Nuts on each end of Spindle. Tighten Nuts with Spanner. Wheelbarrow no longer broken, I've done my job so Notts should win on Saturday!! Ah if only it was that Simple. A Little Bit of Light heartedness during this tough time for the Magpies.

A well written piece and a interesting read, there are things that I fully agree with, such has when handing out the contracts, they were given on the back of the playoff success without it appears players not being scrutinized to see if they were up to League 2 level, a case of the Heart ruling the Head. And I know I keep banging on about it but Williams had superb man management skills and could more or less get a top performance out of mediocre players, and it certainly seems Maynard can't and of course the Rumour Mill is running at Full Speed. It seems Maynard as fallen out with both John Bostock and David McGoldrick and the Brothers are looking to sell the Club because it's in to much debt. This despite the Notts CEO saying at the end of December (I believe it was) that Notts have no need to sell any players in the January Transfer Window and the club had finances to cover playing in League 1 and competing on a financial level with teams in the Lower part of the Championship. If that's True (and why wouldn't it be?) Notts seem to be Ok from a money point of view. I also think that like it was stated in the above article that Notts like Stockport need to be Brutal in the off season. In My Opinion (and this is just my opinion) Macca, Jodi Jones Dan Crowley Matt Palmer Scott Robertson Sam Austin Lewis Macari David McGoldrick Cedwyn Scott Geraldo Bajrami and Aden Baldwin should be retained. There is of course a question mark against Alassana Jatta because we've not seen a lot of him playing wise. Jim O'Brien should offered a coaching role with the club. Luther Munakandra Tiernan Brookes and James Sanderson should be promoted to the first team squad. Th remainder should be let go, this of course doesn't refer to the youth team just the senior squad. A New Man in the Dug Out? We'll have to wait and see.

Robbie Yes they are just rumours but as the saying goes there's No Smoke without Fire. Luke Williams departure started as a rumour and there have been rumours over the years that have turned out to be true, so we'll have to wait and see what happens. Having attacking players such as Jodi and Macca defending is wrong they shouldn't have to defend that's what the defence is for and hand on heart, there are players at Notts who are Not League 2 standard. Yes getting rid of Stuart Maynard will cost the club, but only in the short term, because if Fans start deserting in their thousands then that could cost the Club in the long term and we certainly don't want a repeat of the Hardy era. Like it or not there are a lot of fair weather fans that have jumped on the Notts success band wagon and now the Magpies are not winning matches they will start to trickle away and unless things are sorted and quickly that trickle could turn into a flood. I don't like sounding all Doom and Gloom but this is how I see things at the Lane at the moment.

The longer Notts go on with out a result the more pressure Maynard is going to come under in fact he must be under huge pressure now, and this can't be helping him to do his job right. Why did he take off Jodi Jones and Dan Crowley last night? Why does he persist in playing Macca on his own up front? Eventually even his supporters are going to run out of excuses for him. Rumours are already starting to fly, he's lost the dressing room players are falling out with each other and have fallen out with him. If this is the case then the Owners Not the CEO need to sort this out because the only thing that will happen is Chaos, and it will end up destroying the atmosphere and well being within the Club and this will be reflected on the pitch, well it's being reflected there already. I wonder if we'll see Jim O'Brien back in the Dug Out before the season's end?

I remember the time I took the wife to Blackpool I hired one of those horse and carriages. We set off along the seas front a blanket across our knees, the wife had her head on my shoulder and we were enjoying going through the lights along the Golden Mile, when suddenly the horse Farts oh a real rip snorter it was really embarrassing. I said I 'm sorry about that, with out missing a beat the wife says Oh I thought it was the Horse.

Jodi Jones as been outstanding for Notts this season. Only hope the Magpies can hold onto him during the summer.

As a Notts fan I've not felt this deflated in a long time. The biggest question people will be asking how much longer will Stuart Maynard remain in charge? Because to be honest I can't see Notts getting another point. If Notts lose at Accrington the pressure could be to great for the Brothers to stick with their choice of coach and we could see Jim O'Brien back in the dug out. There also seems to be strong rumours flying around that certain players have no desire to play for SM, if there is a divided changing room that needs to be sorted quickly. After the Sutton defeat and tonight's result even the most ardent Maynard fan will be starting to ask questions regarding his tenure at the Lane.

Me and couple of mates were walking through our local park the other day, and there was this old guy sitting on a bench sobbing his heart out. What's up fella ? asked my mate It's terrible just terrible replies the old guy. What is ? asked my other mate. I'm 75 years old and I've married a 25 year old ex-pole dancer, she's a wonderful cook keeps the house spotless and makes love to me 3 times a day. Once when we wake up, once in the afternoon and once again before we go to sleep. Blimey I said what's terrible about that? I asked. I can't remember where I live said the old guy.

I find it refreshing that even if a member on the PON site disagrees with your opinion they don't jump down your throat, you can have a sensible conversation a back and forward chat . As being fairly new to the site it's been nice that I have been afforded a warm welcome by everyone and the comments regarding my article Loan Players Good or Bad ? was most pleasing. Thankyou One and All.

I think thommo you are right regarding Connell Rawlinson, I like yourself hold no ill will against the guy, there have been times when he as produced a top performance in the Black & White stripes, but I think he's starting to slow down, he is after all not getting any younger from a playing point of view. To be honest I thought he may have retired after the Wembley Victory, and end his career on a high. But we don't know how he feels he may still think he can do a job for Notts and only he will know when it's time for him to hang up his boots.

I have stated in other comment sections on the PON site what I think about the current situation at Notts, the main problems ( so it seems to me ) are Stuart Maynard doesn't have the man management skills, that Luke Williams has. Williams built up an incredible relationship with the Players and the Fans here at the Lane. However as many people on here have stated, things were starting to unravel for the Magpies before Williams left for Swansea. With his skills Williams got a top performance out of Notts players who really are Not League 2 standard. How many times this season have we seen a player perform well in one match, and the following week looks like a totally different player and puts on a dismal performance ? Look at the result at Newport who at the time of the Notts match were on a four match winning streak yet the Magpies come out 3-1 victors. And yet since then although Notts have put in some fair performances, they've not won a single match. Regarding last Saturday most people would have put money on Macca scoring at least one of the chances he was presented with. As I've already stated long time Magpie Fans have seen this all before, the call to sack the Manager, etc etc. I think the Anti Maynard group are a small but vocal part of the Notts Fan Base (more than likely Fair Weather Fans). Touching on the Steve Cooper situation at Forest, his sacking and the appointment of Nuno doesn't seem to have worked does it? I believe SM will be at the Lane till the end of the season, and hopefully the Recruitment team step up and do their job in the off season. One other thing Notts have been missing this season is a Leader on the pitch a Captain who works with the Manager and is capable to get the players around him, working as a proper unit. In my opinion I don't think Notts have had a true Leader on the pitch since Michael Doyle.

Boy have Notts missed this guy lets hope his Rehab keeps going the right direction and Matty is back next season. Also a shout out to Cedwyn and Badge and hope they are also on the right track to a full recovery.

Fair Points Joshua but can't help but think one of the main reasons Notts haven't produced home grown talent, is the fact young players are continually sent out on loan to other clubs season after season and occasionally they get the odd outing in the first team usually in a match of no particular importance. Another point is if the team are playing well the Notts youngsters don't get much of a chance of appearing in the team, the only thing that usually happens is they get to train with the first team squad. I don't think there's a right time or a wrong time for a young Notts player to make his debut that's down to the Gaffer and his staff , I was thinking Notts season is over now I don't think they'll make the playoffs and they're more or less clear of relegation. So really what better time to blood the young un's? Praise and negative remarks go hand in hand through out a footballers career. How many times over the years has a young lad shown promise only to be farmed out on loan over and over only to lose interest in the game or disappear into the obscurity of Non League football? Lewis Macari comes to mind he realised he was getting no where at Stoke, so he threw in his lot with Notts and he's shown what he's capable of and is turning out to be a decent player who could end up being a solid defender for Notts for a few seasons. So I still think it wouldn't do any harm for a young player to be given a chance.

As a treat I took the wife to one of those TV Chef's restaurants the prices were crazy, for a three course meal you'd need a bank loan. So in the end we had the cheapest thing on the menu boneless chicken price, £45.99 per portion, the waiter brought two Fried Eggs. You know when you're at the Airport don't customs ask some daft questions? As anybody you don't know put anything in your bags? I don't know anybody I don't know. As a stranger ever given you anything? I once went to Amsterdam on a Stag Weekend. I over heard the wife talking to a neighbour the other day, she said I didn't surprise her like I used too when we were younger. So I took her out for Tea and Biscuits it was the first time she'd been a blood donor. I remember when I proposed to the wife she said yes, but then stated that ever since she was a little girl she always wanted to get married in a Castle. I said Sweetheart if you want to get married in a Castle, we'll get married in a Castle. And we did and I can still remember the look on her face as we bounced up and down.

After the Wembley victory over Chesterfield and the title Battle with Wrexham the Magpies picked up a few Fair Weather Fans and I would suggest most of the Negative response comes from them, for it would seem long term Magpie fans are willing to give the new Gaffer time and hope he can turn things around. The thing is after the 2023/2024 season Magpie Fans are used to Notts winning games and currently they aren't getting the victories Fans want, ( sorry for stating the obvious). We long term Fans have seen this all before the booing the call for the Manager/Head Coach to be sacked, and the Negative response to certain players. We can't stop the booing the cat calling the toxic posts on social media platforms, but I think a vast majority of the Notts Fan Base is positive the only thing is the nay sayer's seem to be the more vocal. And perhaps they believed all the Hype which the Media heaped on Notts at the start of the season, how Notts and Wrexham were favourites to get promotion. Myself and a large majority of Magpie fans would class a top half finish and maybe a run at the Playoffs would be the sign of a Good season.

Robbie You Just Smashed It. You are so right about Jason Turner the influence the positivity and his footballing knowledge had an immense impact at the Lane, His Tragic Death last season hit the club staff players and fans like a bomb going off. His photo was carried by the players at Wembley and I'm sure the memories of Jason's time as C.E.O at Notts helped inspire the Lads to their victory over Chesterfield. And as you have stated Jason's death may have also been a factor in Notts misfortunes, because his personality and footballing know how, would have certainly helped Stuart Maynard's transition into the Magpies New Head Coach. You may want to put your comment on Social Media, it may give certain Notts Fans pause for thought.