MAKE THE WOMAN HAPPY!
HAPPY WIFE, HAPPY LIFE!!!

Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes, and points are subtracted.
You don't get any points for doing something she expects.

That's the way the game is played.:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed. (+1)
You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillows. (-10)
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets. (-3)
You go out to buy her what she wants (+5) in the rain (+8)
But return with Beer. (-5)

PROTECTIVE DUTIES
You check out a suspicious noise at night. (+1)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing. (0)
You check out a suspicious noise, and it is something. (+5)
You pummel it with an iron rod. (+10)
It's her pet Schnauzer. (-20)

SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side for the entire party. (+1)
You stay by her side for a while,
then leave to chat with an old school friend. (-2)
Named Tina (-10)
Tina is a dancer. (-10)
Tina has implants. (-40)

HER BIRTHDAY
You take her out to dinner. (+2)
You take her out to dinner, and it's not a sports bar. (+3)
Okay, it's a sports bar. (-2)
And its all-you-can-eat night. (-3)
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night,
and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team. (-10)

A NIGHT OUT
You take her to a movie. (+1)
You take her to a movie she likes. (+5)
You take her to a movie you hate. (+6)
You take her to a movie you like. (-2)
It's called 'Death Cop.' (-3)
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans. (-15)

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable potbelly. (-15)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it. (+10)
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to
baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts. (-30)
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5)
(Yes, you lose points no matter what)
You hesitate in responding. (-10)
You reply, "Where?" (-35)
You say "It doesn't notice much" (-50)

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen,
displaying what looks like a concerned expression. (+2)
You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV. (+500)
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep. (-4000)

Hi everybody, I just want you know I and other friends of the Italian Magpies will be in Nottingham next week for the game v Colchester. We are 9 from Italy and 4 italians who live in Uk.

If you are interested we can meet on Saturday. I think in the morning we will have a few beers in some pubs, maybe "Ye Olde Trip To Jerusalem", "The Navi", photo in front of the Robin Hood Statue, lunch at MLB and game in the Kop.

I hope I can share with you all the other details in the next few days.

We are very excited to be once again in the Black and White Nottingham.

If you have Facebook, please join us in the event and share it with your friends! https://www.facebook.com/events/423735814382447/

SEE YOU IN NOTTINGHAM!

Due to the nature, I think it's pretty 'general' so I've posted here.

Media Team on the Official Facebook Page shared this https://vine.co/v/bQivn3rpj7i#

Pretty interesting, although I have seen the room in person awhile back. It's nice to see it's progressing and it does look much nicer than Sol Campbell tried making out, even though some changes/improvements have been made.

Sad to see Kelly leave, a good player with a good attacking flare. He was a decent wing back but Liddle has proven he can fulfill the same role but with better defensive skills. Sad to see him leave but if it frees up a bit more transfer budget.... 

Onward and Upwards! 

One of my favorite player pics I've taken! 

Ben

Striker John Cofie has been released by Manchester United and is now a free agent. He showed good promise when he was Notts and managed to grab a goal. But is another young striker what we need? I'm unsure. We certainly need an experienced quality striker but could John Cofie add to our fire power? 

Ben 

There's some good players in our youth system, I feel it's good to see us 'developing' them and with the right push, hopefully some can play a bigger role in our first team. Kyle Dixon had a pretty good game last Friday against Walsall, he reminded me Neal Bishop with his calm collected way of playing. He looked up for it, often making up for the odd mistake he made also.

He's confirmed that a professional contracts been offered and I personally hope to see a few others follow in his foot steps.

When was the last time we pushed our youth system like this? Surely it's the early 90's to the late 80's?

I bumped into @jurgenpie in the navi, he mentioned that he would be attending and I had wanted to go but I don't like being out of sorts. I ended up going, it was nice. It's things like this which will do 'family clubs' proud and the cost being £25, two course meal was easily worth it with the amount of fun I had.

Sat on the same table as Gary Liddle's parents, which I couldn't resist showing them my son - wearing his 'Every Liddle Helps'.

You could see the delight on his parents faces, really humble and I am delighted myself. I think Gary's father really liked the praise that PoN did by the T-Shirt, as I know Gary himself does.

Very proud to have my photo taken with him, many thanks to Jurgen again.

Have you ever attended one and what are your thoughts on the people who won the awards?

It's starting to be a little harder to choose the 'Member of the Month', as we've got a very nice little community. Everyone plays a vital role, I realize I go on about this but I hope it's seen for the right reasons. I struggled at first, I wasn't sure who to give it to and then I encountered some personal problems ending up forgetting to set the nominated member.

Myself and Cheeky greatly appreciate the support of all the members, so praising one member seems awkward for us both.

We've decided that a consistent member deserves the praise, so we have awarded @2piesonmyshirt March's Member of the Month.

Dave's contributions have seen him nominated and considered the past 2 months, narrowly pipped both times. This Month we've noticed he's been the ideal candidate with his regular posting of topics, friendliness and interacting with others. Along side at least 4 other members, however I read everything posted (very nosey says Kate) so I realize the efforts of many. It's nice to praise members in this way, 2pies does a great job.

Please take time to congratulate him,.As a community it is nice to see members acknowledging each other and this is something I am very proud of all our members for doing.

Thank you!
 

I see Hughesie scored a hat trick for Port Vale against Burton. SIGH!

Here's hoping we can end on a high with a third straight win tommorow. Coventry's season was snatched from them and they've been in poor form ever since, pretty confident. If we play like we did last weekend there's no reason why we can't win.

Hope you all have a good day, make the most of it it's the last game for a few months. Where's the season gone eh? Dosen't seem like a few weeks ago we were at Crewe on the opening day.

I'll be off to Arlesey Town for Weymouth's final game of the season. We've got nothing but pride to play for but Arlesey could make the play-offs with a win. It's set up to be a pretty exciting final day in the Southern League with 4 teams fighting for 2 play-off spots.

If Gosport Borough better Barwell's result they'll ****** 5th spot, but if Barwell win they're in. But if both Gosport and Barwell lose and Arlesey beat us, Arlesey will ****** the final play-off spot.

Hemel Hempstead Town are 4th, and a draw will be enough for them to secure a play-off spot. However if they lose two of Barwell, Gospot & Arlesey could make the play-offs. Exciting stuff!

Bish has been a fantastic captain for this club and I am sorry to hear that he has decided to stand down from the role. He came on as a substitute yesterday and Leacock offered him the armband and he waved his hand to indicate Dean could keep it. I hope this doesn't mean he won't be with us next season. He does seem to have been unhappy this year with managerial changes and taking comments by a few so called fans to heart. He has always given 100% on the pitch and there has been some memorable moments including scoring a fab goal against Man City and he also likes to use his backside but they all count! Thanks for being an inspirational captain.

So now the curtains have been drawn on this season, what do you guys make of how Notts got on?

Who was your best player, your highlight, your lowlight, the turning points of the season, your hopes and fears for next season?

Let's hear everyone's opinions?

I use BT for phone, TV and broadband.

I have just tried to find out when my BT contract ends, I went to the "contact us" page on the website and whilst I was looking a live chat box appeared and a representative asked me if they could help, so I said I was looking for my contract end date and she gave me the date and asked me why I was asking. I said I was looking at other options so she said she might be able to get me a better deal if I wanted.

She came up with a better deal giving me BT infinity free of charge, unlimited TV, weekends and evenings free calls for only £30 a month plus line rental on a 12 month contract, saving £14.45 per month - result.

I would urge anyone who's contract is coming to an end with BT, Sky, Virgin Media etc., to contact them and tell them they are thinking of leaving, 99% of the time you will get a better deal.

Huge crowds lined the streets of Mansfield today as the bus wa*kers (if you've seen the Inbetweeners, you'll get it) celebrated winning theBlue Square Premier!  

I can't lie, I was quietly hoping they'd throw it away but 'swallows pride' fair play to them, they've been on a great run and they probably deserved it. I don't know many Mansfield fans, most of those I do know aren't the most pleasent people although I am happy for our good friend Mr Dan Westwell who is one of the nicer people you could wish to meet

Now enough of the niceiness towards one of our local rivals!

Have to say well done County in this final played at Bescot Stadium. You were very well supported (easily half of the crowd were from Notts) and made yourselves heard with terrific backing. The 4-2 scoreline to Saddlers don't give a true reflection of the closeness of the game. With Walsall 2-1 up and awarded a penalty it was looking a bit ominus for County but a terrific penalty save then a goal scored at the other end forced the game into extra time. I thought the referee had an absolute stinker and gave some very strange decisions. Sitting amongst the County fans, I fully sympathise with how the ref did at times to be biased towards Walsall. Some of your bookings were harsh and when your man walked for two yellows I thought you would struggle but no the ten men did you proud at it wasn't till the last couple of minutes when Walsall went 4-2 up that the final looked over. Best part of the night for me was meeting Joe, the fine leader of this excelent site. It was an absolute pleasure to meet and chat with you mate and to meet Jake-what a great kid he is and a credit to you and Kate. A nice little picture taken by Jakey himself...

Liverpool risking reputation with reaction to Luis Suárez bite controversy

Although the reaction from Anfield was swift and serious, Liverpool's determination to retain their prize asset at all costs undermines their condemnation of his actions

Full Article

This is just odd, the guy is very talented but he's a loose wagon. Clearly feels he can get away with his antics! He should be punished more seriously, he should be banned for 3-5 games as his attitude continues.




 

Guess Who John has drawn here.



Please use

this to hide your guess, so others can play freely please.

Just toggle the button near the eraser the post editor and then select 'Spoiler' inserting your answer. Alternatively you can

[/ spoiler] Please make sure you remove the space I added to the latter "/ s" to "/s".

Does anyone remember this scoreboard. There used to be a man in there with lots of numbers and you had to look in the programme to see which matches A, B, C etc were. At half time he put numbers in the corresponding windows to show the scores up and down the country.

He always used to tease us when putting up the Fword score, if he had a 3 in his hand he would go to put in one side or the other and then back again, so we didn't know whether they had scored 3 or had 3 scored against them. Obviously if they were losing a big cheer would go up or groan if winning.

Always used to make me laugh.

I had to go down town today, so I took advantage of being there and had a nice walk to Meadow Lane. We've got our tickets sorted, so this will defiantly be Ellie's first visit to an away game (despite now telling me she isn't going). I think the fact Kate won't be coming, it makes her a little nervous but if Jake can be fine around new people I know Ellie can.

Not only is Jake excited, I am. I think this will be the game to give the players a good sending off, which I'm sure Coventry will also be but hopefully if Doncaster gain promotion we'll see them become inspired.

With the football from the previous game (Colchester) I think there's much more to be positive about, the fact the majority of fans wanted to see youngsters included and we have seen it work, hopefully Doncaster can be another game where we can see some of our other players establish themselves as League One players, don't get me wrong the odd game doesn't make a player but it's the ultimate boost. Nangle will be full of confidence and I hope we cheer them all on, even the players who some feel haven't been giving 100%.

The game will very much go down to control and determination in my opinion, I think they'll come at us and try to hit us hard. Possible, aiming to make vulnerable weaker but this is where the experience and team work can have it's own impact.

I think we'll see a 2-2 draw, I just have this feeling we'll take the lead and hold them at 2-1 until the final minutes but it could go anyway really.

COYP!!

 

Guess Who John has drawn here.



Please use

this to hide your guess, so others can play freely please.

Just toggle the button near the eraser the post editor and then select 'Spoiler' inserting your answer. Alternatively you can

[/ spoiler] Please make sure you remove the space I added to the latter "/ s" to "/s".

My phone kept beeping (it's running out of power) I hear several text alert tones, wondering why I were getting texts as normally I don't. I read the first message, it says 'You need to buy the Evening Post'. I didn't sink in LOL



Really, amazing and many thanks to @Dan

I see that the Premiership is going to get goal line technology next season, they are utilising the Hawkeye system that is used in tennis.

Good thing or bad thing? Discuss.

The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner. Talk about Dyson with death.

A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time...

I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself,
they've lost the plot!!

My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.

I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.

I was driving this morning when I saw an AA van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.

My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid... then I was petrified.

The wife was counting all the 1p's and 2p's out on the kitchen table when she suddenly got very angry and started shouting and crying for no reason. I thought to myself, "She's going through the change."

Bought some 'rocket salad' yesterday but it went off before I could eat it!

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

Just got back from my mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service.